A few years ago in a moment of brief rawness and unguardedness someone I knew tried very hard at first and then with great ease to explain how time stops when you're with a person you're in love with. That you can look at them and time will stop for you and you will find you can look at them forever when in fact only seconds are ticking by.

I looked at him and realised that although I believed him, although I knew this to be true, I had never experienced it. But fuck I wanted to so, so badly. Like my life depended on it. And since then I've been waiting for that moment.

It is the 1st of January 2016 and I am newly equipped with the following knowledge.

1. I am not my mother and I am not my family
1. I am not defined by my mother's opinion of me. Nor do I need anything from her, in the shape of love, affection, approval, or friendship. This is the decision that I am making on the first day of the new year. As of today, the house I live in counts as a hotel. Which brings me to the next poin
2. I am on my way to independence
1. I am halfway through my PGCE degree. I was offered a job. A JOB. I will work for two years, I will become experienced, and collect references, and in two years time I will apply to schools in England. There I will have my own flat, make friends, go to work every morning, be alive and be away from all the negativity I have accrued over the last 24 years.
3. I AM MY OWN PERSON. I love who I am. I love who I have become. And I have become it without any help from my family, indeed, with a great deal of resistance from them.

So in 2016 I have decided, I have discovered this. I am my own person. An island, a tower alone. I am 24 and 2 days old and it is the first day of 2016 and I am my own person and I am ready to become that person. Alone. Today.

I promise to make this blog a record of all the positive things in my life. Things I have accomplished, things I promise to do, people I have met, times I have enjoyed, happy happenings, obstacles I have conquered. I will stop all the negative from becoming real.

Accomplishments and Resolutions

In 2015

• I travelled alone
• I visited England (twice!) I went to London, Oxford, Bath, Dover, Sheffield, Reading
• I got accepted into Sheffield Hallam University to gain my PGCE
• I was granted a scholarship
• I started my PGCE
• I was offered a job to work at a school as a primary school teacher
• I opened up to people more
• I made decisions about who to include in my life
• I dyed my hair

In 2016, I

• I will get fit and healthy by buying a stationary bike and using it for 45 minutes a day
• I will fix my teeth
• I will travel alone more
• I will reduce all toxic relationships in my life to a minimum
• I will work on my body image and confidence
• I will be braver
• I will be an island and not break so easily
• I will be a teacher
• I will look after myself